Safe
by pinkperson
Summary: Yuki's brooding by himself with a splitting headache one evening until Haru drops by unexpectedly. The two boys share some intimate moments and Yuki begins seeing Haru in a new light. He also gets his first kiss.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my first attempt at a yaoi/slash story. I just always thought Haru's crush on Yuki was kind of cute. Let me know what you think.**

Yuki lay on the couch, his eyes shut as he enjoyed the silence that enveloped him. The only sound was that of the gentle evening rain pattering against the roof and resounding from outside. The house was devoid of all signs of life aside from his presence within it. No obnoxious Shigure with his childish teasing, no perky Tohru with her desperate attempts to engage him in conversation, no stupid Kyo with his booming voice making him bristle with irritation. It was just quiet.

And Yuki felt utterly at peace.

His three housemates had actually gone out to buy groceries, leaving him at home. Normally, Yuki would have been more than eager to accompany them, if only to be around Tohru, but he had a splitting headache. He wasn't sick; he was certain it was due to Kyo's flaring temper that had him screaming at Shigure like a spiteful demon all day long. Normally that wasn't unusual, but for some reason Kyo was particularly vicious today. Perhaps he was feeling jealous of Yuki spending time with Tohru earlier that day. Tohru had spent time with Yuki in his garden, watching with interest as he watered plants. They didn't speak much, but Yuki had sensed a piercing gaze that he could probably have detected from a mile away. Kyo had seen them, and that wasn't exactly something to celebrate. Yuki hated being forced to interact with Kyo and he suspected the two of them might brawl it out one day, to see who was truly worthy of Tohru's affection.

It was then that the doorbell rang, jerking Yuki out of his reflections. He frowned as he sat up and looked towards the door. The others had been gone for only about five minutes; perhaps Shigure had forgotten his wallet?

Yuki sighed as he walked up to the door, unlocking and opening it. His face was already set in a grimace, prepared to bark at Shigure just for forcing him to endure looking at his stupid face. Instead, Yuki's prepared verbal lashing died in his throat as he saw that it was Haru who stood at his doorstep, visibly strained but also relieved. His hair was already drenched due to the downpour and even more disheveled than usual.

"Haru? What are you doing here?" It was rare that the ox ventured to Shigure's in the evening, especially by himself.

Instead of answering his question, Haru turned to wave at his parents' car, which must have dropped him off. After the car drove off, Haru faced Yuki again. He smiled bashfully at Yuki, his fatigue seemingly melting away.

"You think I can come inside? It's not a bad time, is it?"

Yuki arched an eyebrow. "It's not like I have much choice," he muttered as he stepped aside, allowing Haru to enter the house.

As Haru walked inside, he took off his large white jacket and hung it on a coat hanger near the entrance. He then moved to sit on the couch in the living room. He sat hunched over, with his hands clasped together.

Yuki cleared his throat, feeling awkward. He wasn't exactly in the mood to entertain a guest, even if it was a cousin who he felt mostly comfortable with. He also wasn't looking forward to Kyo returning and verbally sparring with Haru as he tended to do, thus resulting in Haru turning black. Still, he sensed there was something that was bothering Haru, yet at the same time he wasn't sure if his cousin wanted to talk about it. He stood with his arms crossed, weight shifting anxiously from leg to leg, as though he had ants in his pants.

"I'm actually not feeling that great...so if you could just keep it down after Kyo gets here, that'd be great. Everyone went to get groceries. They'll probably be back soon."

Haru looked up at Yuki then, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiled softly. Despite the gentility in his expression, Yuki couldn't help but notice how weary his cousin looked. His eyes seemed duller than usual and even a bit sunken. Haru leaned back and patted the seat beside him on the couch. "Yuki, come over here and just sit for a minute. You're making me nervous."

Yuki reluctantly made his way over to the couch as even he was aware of his rude behavior. He was normally the poster child for politeness, but he had always felt jittery around Hatsuharu. He felt that it was partially due to the boy's spontaneous eruptions into unbridled fury. One second he was serene and practically pacifying. The second he'd snap into a feverish and devilish state, completely out of anyone's control. To be frank, Yuki was a bit frightened of him. He felt as though he was forced to walk on thin ice anytime he was around him.

And it wasn't just Haru's chaotic mind that deterred Yuki from hanging out with him at times, but it was also the fact that Yuki was more than aware that Haru had a crush on him. Despite the fact that he and Rin were together, he still sometimes hit on Yuki, making him deeply uncomfortable. He was used to dropping his face into his hands when Haru would teasingly compliment his features, squirming out of his grasp whenever he held him in his strong arms, and denying any invitations whatsoever for the two of them to hang out. Unless it was to go to the amusement park. Yuki had no one else to go there with, so he would relent and go with Haru on occasion. But that was where he drew the line.

"What's going on Haru? It's not like you to come over here like this. Did you and Rin fight again?"

It wasn't just Haru that unsettled Yuki. Rin's fury wasn't to be taken lightly either. He'd been approached by her on more than one occasion, where she'd threatened him in some way or another. Not that he could blame her for doing so, he supposed.

Haru averted his eyes, turned away from Yuki as he lowered his head. He nodded slightly. "Yeah...Right on the money. We actually...we broke up."

Yuki heard Haru's voice crack and watched as he shed a single tear, that snaked its way down to his chin, then dripped onto his black jeans. It wasn't exactly the first time he'd heard of the two of them breaking up. Their relationship was a turbulent one, often due to Haru's black side and Rin's fierce temper. Yet somehow, Yuki sensed a finality in Haru's admission, as though he was sincerely worried this time.

Despite the fact that his head was throbbing painfully, Yuki forced a smile and reached over to pat one of Haru's hands reassuringly. "I'm sorry," Yuki said, though he had to admit that a part of him just wasn't the least bit concerned about Haru's personal affairs. He was dreading the return of the others and the impending mental torture due to Kyo's inability to refrain from screeching at Shigure.

"You want to talk about it?"

"She broke up with me…because of Akito," Haru ground out, making Yuki pull his hand back reflexively, heart rate quickening. Already a sign of black Haru's possible appearance. "She said she wants to protect me. Until the curse is broken." And at that Haru laughed incredulously, not that Yuki could blame him. They were used to bursting into fits of hysterical laughter at the thought of this horrible curse ever being broken. They had come to terms with the fact that it most likely never would be.

"That sounds pretty caring of her," Yuki admitted, not usually one to compliment Rin. He didn't dislike her; it was just that their personalities tended to clash, especially when it came to their closeness to Haru. "It probably wouldn't be a good idea to piss off Akito by staying together."

"He pushed her _out of a window_, Yuki," Haru whispered bitterly. "Can you believe that? How could—why-Of all…?"

Yuki's eyes widened. He hadn't expected such a revelation. Despite that he had grown up fearing Akito, had been on the receiving end of the God's wrath, he still couldn't believe that he'd go so far as to push one of them out of a window. It was bewildering to the point that he could have laughed at it. But he was sure that wouldn't be the best response at the moment.

"Oh my God…Is she okay? Did she break anything? Is she in the hospital?"

Haru nodded solemnly. "She didn't break anything. Just cracked a few ribs, some bruises. But she was clearly shaken by it. It scared her so much she doesn't want to risk something like that happening to me, too, you know? It's understandable, but at the same time, I really love her, Yuki. I...I don't want anything to happen to her just because we happen to love each other."

Haru looked at Yuki then, his eyes flickering strangely. It was for the briefest of seconds and yet, Yuki's breath caught. A glimpse of a livid and murderous rage, burning brightly deep within Haru's mind.

Yuki snapped his head away, practically tearing himself away from Haru's sight. He swallowed hard, trying to get a hold of himself, but to his dismay, he felt a hand take hold of his chin, forcing him to face what he feared.

Haru's eyes made Yuki's stomach clench as though he'd been forced to consume something putrid. They looked wise beyond their years. Like they saw through Yuki and everything he stood for. Like he could see deep within him, past the flesh and into his very being that controlled his every action. Yuki felt naked under their piercing gaze and he couldn't help but blush at the intimacy shared between them. Normally, he'd slap Haru's hand away and rebuke him for daring to touch him in such a way. But for some reason he was incapable of harnessing within himself the courage that was necessary to do it. Instead, he felt his throat dry up as Haru seemingly sized him up.

"You're scared of me," Haru murmured, as he finally let go of Yuki. He smirked with satisfaction as Yuki leaned away from him reflexively.

"N-No, I'm not," Yuki said, fully aware of how unconvincing he was. It had been a while since he'd last been completely alone with black Haru in this house, and he found it wasn't something he was enjoying at the moment. It made him feel timid...like the rat he'd transform into. Instead of feeling calm and at ease as he did whenever he fought Kyo, black Haru disturbed him, jarred him. Perhaps it was because his predatory nature made him instantly miss the gentle and compassionate soul that it replaced.

Yuki watched, paralyzed, as Haru reached to place a hand on his right thigh. He began caressing and stroking it tenderly, much too tenderly for Yuki's liking. His touch tickled and sent shivers down his spine. Partly because he couldn't deny that he found it pleasurable, but also because he would have hoped that it was _white_ Haru touching him in such a way. If he _had_ to be touched, anyway. God, it was humiliating to admit such a thing, but Yuki couldn't help it. After all the times that Haru had spent flirting with him, it was inevitable that he'd chip away at his walls until he'd hit him where he was most vulnerable.

Yuki braved a peek at Haru and saw to his concern that his cousin's eyes swiftly met his own, as though in challenge. _You don't have the balls to stop me_, they seemingly taunted him. Yuki felt meek beneath them, his request for Haru to stop touching him dying in his throat.

Haru's hand began to drift up Yuki's thigh and then slightly to the right to his crotch, making Yuki's heart pound like a drum within his chest. Once Haru's hand hovered over his crotch, he stroked it so gently it made Yuki cringe. It was a teasing caress, like he was toying with him just to see his reaction. His hand seemed to hover there for a few seconds as though he was tempted to take things a step further. Instead, to Yuki's relief, he seemed to reconsider and retracted his hand.

To Yuki's dismay, he was aware that he already felt the slightest bit of arousal from what Haru had done. He was also aware that Haru had shifted closer to him, had wrapped an arm around him. His touch made Yuki tense up, however. It just didn't feel quite right, knowing that Haru wasn't fully aware of what was happening.

Despite the fact that Haru was simply holding him close, Yuki's stomach lurched. He felt as though he was being held by someone completely different from the boy he'd been sitting with up until a couple of minutes ago. It wasn't just that he was certain that he'd almost been sexually assaulted, but it was the way he was touching him in general. The way that Haru held him...it made him feel uneasy. It made him want to squirm.

He knew that Haru, white Haru, would never want him to feel this way, but this wasn't white Haru…and perhaps there was something else going on that was making him behave so abnormally. Even black Haru had never gone to such lengths before. Perhaps it had to do with what happened with Rin and Akito.

Nothing about this was soothing. It didn't make something hot pool in the bottom of Yuki's stomach. Even the erection that Yuki had almost responded with felt wrong, somehow. No, it alarmed him, made him want to dash out of the room and away from this Haru who wasn't Haru at all...

It was at that moment that Yuki saw Haru's eyes flicker and the sinister glow in them vanished, leaving an almost innocent gaze in their wake. His eyes bore into Yuki's, looking confused at first. It didn't take long for his assessment of Yuki's expression to cause something to dawn on him. Haru abruptly let go of Yuki and shifted away, began to shake his head in disbelief. Yuki saw all types of raging emotions swirling within in his eyes.

"Haru..."

Yuki's anxiety gave way to compassion as his heart swelled in response to Haru's turmoil. To his relief, his erection had retreated, no longer causing his insides to war against one another. He tentatively reached to place a hand on Haru's shoulder in consolation. He could tell from his reaction that the ox was deeply upset by what he'd been doing. Perhaps he'd seen the look on Yuki's face, the deep discomfort written plainly on it. Yuki knew Haru cared deeply for him, was protective of him. He'd stood up for him on numerous occasions when he'd been unable or simply unwilling to defend himself.

"I can't believe I...Yuki, please forgive me," Haru moaned. "I don't know what came over me. I...I must be taking things even worse than I thought. Maybe I'm starting to lose it."

"I can't really blame you, what with having Rin for a girlfriend," Yuki teased, trying to lighten the mood. He was feeling slightly better now that he saw Haru feeling regretful. At times, he'd forget white Haru even existed once black Haru made his presence known. But he always felt a massive weight leave his chest once white Haru reappeared. It was reassuring...comforting.

He felt safe again.

"I'm just glad I didn't kiss you," Haru said, laughing a little now as he lowered his hands from his face. Yuki couldn't help but shift uncomfortably at the thought of the two of them kissing. He hoped he'd never allow such a thing to happen, that he'd never succumb to that extent to Haru's pushiness. It could be so hard to not allow his mind to wander in that dreaded direction, though, as it had earlier. To Yuki's relief, Haru didn't seem to notice his internal battle. "I mean, I don't want to force you into it or whatever. As much as I like you and everything, I wouldn't want to do that to you, Yuki. You know I love you, in my own way."

"I don't get why you're so into me, Haru," Yuki chanced to admit. He often felt perplexed and stumped as to what it was that kept Haru on his tail. "And even after all the times I've told you to quit it...Why won't you just give it up?"

"Because I like a challenge," Haru said, his eyes softening.

"A challenge..." Yuki repeated dryly, already feeling like dropping his face into his palms. He wasn't quite sure if it was a challenge or an impossibility.

"You're just really sweet, Yuki. And you're always so calm and at ease. You let me hang out with you even though you're not into me. I kind of like that, you know? Feeling accepted despite everything." Haru smiled sweetly at Yuki, his eyes openly adoring him.

Something fluttered within Yuki's stomach. He couldn't help but notice the tenderness within his cousin's gaze. It was so pure...so untainted...that it stood in stark contrast to his maniacal alter ego. It made him feel so hot inside that he had to look away. God, why did Haru have to look at him like that anyway? It almost irked Yuki, like the boy was _trying_ to rattle his nerves. Despite what he'd thought just a second ago...about it being an impossibility...his heart strings had inexplicably been tugged. Yuki tried to get a hold of himself, but found that he had difficulty doing so.

Almost against his will, he turned back towards Haru, sneaked a peek at his cousin who wasn't looking in his direction. Yuki's eyes drifted up to Haru's hair. He couldn't help but notice how soft it and puffy it looked. He had to quell the urge to push aside the tendrils that lay wet again his forehead. His eyes strayed lower to Haru's chest. His shirt's top three buttons were unbuttoned and he caught a glimpse of his chest hair. Something he never thought much of in the past and, yet, now Yuki had to tear his eyes away before his emotions began to run rampant.

His heart began to pound in his chest as he wondered if he may finally be on the brink of losing his sanity due to all the hardships he'd endured over the years. Maybe he just felt lonely and was craving the intimacy he had been unable to achieve yet with Tohru. Or maybe...maybe...he simply felt curiosity as to how it might feel. Yuki swallowed hard as his mind wandered beyond his control.

How would Haru react if Yuki smiled at him playfully and reached to run his fingertips along his jawline? If Yuki pressed a hand against Haru's chest, making him lie on his back as Yuki took hold of his hands, interlacing their fingers?

At that moment Yuki wondered if he may actually be curious enough to experiment with Haru after all. And he hated feeling this way because it went against his icy exterior, as well as the fact that he'd made it clear to Haru numerous times that he wasn't a fan of his sexual advances.

It was utterly perplexing and yet it was undeniable that, despite it all, something inside him was being sparked, something that had lain dormant up until tonight.

Yuki's hands twitched, as for the briefest of moments, he felt drawn to Haru's grey eyes, that were now calm...almost too calm for his liking. He hated black Haru and yet, now that he thought about it, the passion that he'd displayed earlier was oddly alluring, breathtaking even. To be frank, it turned Yuki on. He felt a sudden urge to rest his hands against Haru's cool, wet cheeks and-

It was at that moment that they heard a key unlocking the front door. Yuki reflexively shifted away from Haru, feeling like he was about to be caught with his pants down. Both boys looked towards the door and saw it open, revealing Shigure, Kyo, and Tohru carrying bags of groceries inside. Shigure was the first to notice Haru.

"Haru, what are you doing here? Did you get lost on your way home?"

Haru scratched at his face sheepishly. "No, I just came to hang out with you guys for a bit. Was just feeling lonely, I guess."

As Kyo was carrying a bag of groceries into the kitchen the handles he was holding suddenly ripped, making his groceries spill onto the floor, a carton of milk spilling its contents as well. Kyo growled with rage as he bent down to clean up the mess, with Tohru joining him, unsurprisingly.

"Silly kitty Kyo! You always take on more than you can chew," Shigure teased. "Maybe you should ask Tohru how to hold a grocery bag properly."

Yuki groaned as he placed hands over his ears, hoping to drown out Kyo's shouting insults at Shigure. As he did so, he felt Haru place an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him against him for a second. Despite the fact that the gesture was meant to console him, Yuki normally would have been annoyed with it. But for now, he rolled his eyes and relaxed into it. He even felt his headache dull slightly in response to the gesture.

Perhaps Haru's visit wasn't such a bad thing after all.

**A/N: I decided to edit this chapter since I'm sure even black Haru wouldn't have gone that far without Yuki's permission. Also, I just dislike yaoi stories that have that type of abuse in them.**


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a couple of hours since Haru's arrival at Shigure's. To Yuki's relief, Kyo had locked himself in his room after he'd screamed insults at Shigure for about an hour straight. Perhaps Tohru had finally managed to quell his rage as she tended to do, simply by placing a comforting a hand on his arm and smiling at him reassuringly. The girl seemingly had an innate ability to calm those around her. Even Kyo's fury dispelled simply due to her presence.

Once the others had gone to sleep, Yuki was more than aware he was left alone with Haru, both still sitting on the couch beside each other. To be honest, he'd been relieved when the others had arrived from the grocery store, just because Kyo's outbursts and the mayhem that followed had shattered the sexual tension between Yuki and Haru. And now in the aftermath of what had almost occurred, Yuki was left unsettled and even distraught.

After all, he had almost decided to kiss Haru. And he probably would have, had Shigure not interrupted so conveniently. He'd almost kissed his cousin whose advances he'd firmly rejected up until tonight. Yuki's hands trembled in his lap as he felt overly aware of his body and its closeness to Haru. Could Haru tell what he was thinking? Had he seen the change in the way Yuki had last looked at him? Had he seen the discomfort give way to lust?

"Yuki?"

Yuki looked up at Haru, tried to smile naturally, but instead felt his lips twitching anxiously as though he'd forgotten how to. God, he felt so awkward right now. It was like a dam within him was full to bursting and he was trying with all his might to tape that shit back together at the last second. _It's just Haru_, he told himself. _Chill_.

"You're not...you're not mad at me because of what happened, are you?" Haru's own hands were clasped together anxiously in his lap, as the ox lowered his eyes. "I swear, if I have to, I'll try to stay away whenever I'm not feeling too good. You know, so I don't turn black around you. I know I've said it before, but-"

"Haru, just forget it," Yuki cut in. He hated to see his cousin so remorseful. Yes, he was bothered by what happened, but at the same time he didn't feel enraged as he usually did. Though he didn't want Haru to be aware of this change, so he tried to play it off. "But if you ever grope me like that again, I swear I'll throw your ass through a wall."

Haru looked up then, smiling playfully, all signs of anguish erased. "You know I'd like that."

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Whatever." It seemed his cousin was already back on his one track mind. _Figures_, he thought. He knew Haru was practically attached to him by the hip whenever they so much as crossed paths. He was enamored by him to the point that it almost creeped Yuki out. Because he just couldn't understand what it was that made him so irresistible that the ox could hardly keep his hands off of him.

"You'd better not turn black again tonight. Seriously," Yuki warned. He still remembered how intimidated he'd felt when Haru's eyes had narrowed into slits, his mouth curving upward into an evil smirk. And of course how it had felt when he'd fondled him against his consent. Not exactly oodles of fun.

"Okay. I'll try really hard," Haru said earnestly, like a child who'd just been scolded. "Just don't take your clothes off in front of me and you should be good." Yuki arched an eyebrow at this. To anyone else it would have sounded like he was joking, but he felt certain that he should take precaution.

"So I take it you're spending the night?" Yuki felt his throat tighten as the words left his mouth. It wasn't something that should worry him and yet, for some reason it did.

"Is that okay?" Haru said, his eyes gleaming so hopefully that Yuki could have cringed at it. "Can I...I mean, is it okay if I sleep in your room? I won't try anything funny. I promise."

Yuki highly doubted that, but he could only groan into his hands, muttering a few curses as he nodded reluctantly. He could have heard Haru's internal cheering from a mile away. It was rare when Haru spent the night, but when he did he almost always slept in Yuki's room. Mostly because Yuki would take pity on his cousin, because of how it seemed he'd been looking forward to it way ahead of time. He could even see him marking the date on a calendar. Haru probably only spent the night just so he could be around Yuki as much as possible, he'd figured. At times, his cousin treated the idea of just being around him as though it was the most thrilling excursion ever. Yuki could see it in how animated Haru could be when he spoke to him. The dullness in his eyes would fade into euphoria, stunning Yuki into silence. It wasn't uncommon for him to sincerely question Haru's sanity.

The two boys stood and made their way toward Yuki's room. As they passed Kyo's room, Yuki could already hear the boy snoring loudly. Yuki felt tempted to just slam the door open and scare the shit out of the screaming asshole, but thought better of it. Perhaps he'd wait until the next opportunity to kick his ass arose. Hopefully the very next day. His head still hurt from his bickering after all.

Once they made their way inside Yuki's room, Yuki sighed as he grabbed a couple of blankets and dropped them on the floor for Haru. He also threw a pillow onto the floor. Haru smiled gratefully at him and thanked him. Yuki knew Haru didn't need much in order to sleep soundly. He could fall asleep on concrete if he needed to. He'd caught him doing so on more than one occasion in their parking lot, when he'd been lost on his way home.

"So, I guess I'll just go to sleep then," Yuki said as he watched Haru carefully, almost as though he was afraid the ox might try something if he turned his back. The more time he spent with him, the more disturbed he felt by what he had almost done earlier. What in the hell was he thinking? He had never been attracted to Haru before and, yet, out of nowhere he'd felt this flaming surge of lust that had driven him mad with desire. Was he…was he losing it? Or had Haru finally managed to lure him in with his incessant flirtations? But it wasn't even that Haru had been flirting with him...it was just the way he'd _looked_ at him.

"Yuki? Are you okay?"

Haru's confused voice broke through Yuki's thoughts making him tense up, his breath hitching as he realized he'd been lost in thought right in front of his cousin. He also realized he was still standing, so he moved to sit on his bed.

"Yeah. I was just...thinking about...Tohru," he lied. "Just worrying about her spending too much time with that stupid cat."

Haru seemed unconvinced, but he smiled at Yuki anyway. "You really like Tohru, don't you Yuki? She's sweet, isn't she?"

Yuki nodded shyly as he suddenly recalled how he'd been thinking about the girl before Haru's arrival. Yet his thoughts of her had dissipated soon after. But now that his mind had drifted back in that direction, he relaxed a little. "Yeah, she really helps make things easier. You know, with having to live with those retards," he ground out sullenly. "Sometimes I just want to grab 'em both and just bash their heads together, knocking them out completely."

"Can't blame you. They act like a couple of kids. It's like Shigure messes with Kyo on purpose just for shits and giggles. And it's hard for me to not freak out around Kyo. His screaming makes me really anxious, you know?"

"I probably would have snapped that stupid cat's neck like a twig earlier if it wasn't for you two."

"Us two?" Haru looked surprised. "You mean, I helped out, too?"

Yuki felt himself begin to sweat due to his admission. He was unused to complimenting Haru. He normally cursed at the ox for annoying him. "Yeah, I guess," he said grudgingly. "It helps to have someone on my side. You know. Someone who understands."

Haru beamed at him, his cheeks taking on a rosy tint. His eyes were so filled with gratitude that Yuki once again felt unsettled by it. Normally Haru was placid and devoid of emotion, but three were times when he'd grow frenzied. He could already sense that Haru was on the verge of rushing over to embrace him.

"As much as a stupid ox like you could understand, anyway," Yuki blurted out. He'd been trying to ease his own anxiety by passively insulting Haru, but realized right then he'd said the wrong thing. He already wished he could take the words back, seeing the look on Haru's face.

Haru flinched at it, his previous joy crumbling rapidly. Yuki saw the disappointment, the betrayal flash across his eyes. That word..._stupid_...uttered at his expense from Yuki's lips had to have been unexpected. It was as though he'd quickly dealt his cousin a staggering blow to his self-esteem.

"Y-Yeah, you're right," Haru said unsteadily. His fingers trembled violently as he ran them through his tangled hair. "And I usually just break everything within reach when I'm around you, huh? Kind of like a walking tornado."

Yuki berated himself silently, wondering what the hell he was thinking. Not only could that have caused black Haru to emerge, but he'd also broken his cousin's trust. He knew how sensitive he was about his intelligence. He'd endured years of mocking by those around him, being referred to as an idiot, slow, mentally inferior, or even just plain retarded. Haru had confided in Yuki many times that it was so hard not to be provoked into a rage when someone referred to him in such a way. Even his parents would sometimes tease him despite his desperate attempts to get them to understand how much it bothered him.

And now Yuki had hurt him deeply.

Yuki averted his eyes, already feeling guilty. "Haru, I-" he began to apologize, but was interrupted.

"Anyway, just forget it. I've done enough damage already," and the words were spat out bitterly, unlike Haru. And yet not quite black Haru either. "Sorry again. For earlier. I know I'm trash for touching you like that. Maybe...maybe I wouldn't even deserve you anyway."

Yuki placed his palms against his face, as he felt his heart pounding within his chest. He was usually so careful to walk on eggshells around Haru and yet it was as though he was finding it difficult to control himself all of a sudden. Inhaling a shuddering breath, he shut his eyes. "Haru, I _told_ you. It was just...an incident. You didn't scar me for life. You didn't mean it. It was black Haru. It wasn't you."

"But black Haru is a part of me, Yuki," Haru said, his eyes wide and pleading, as though begging him to understand. "It was wrong. I...I touched you when you didn't want it. I saw it in your eyes. I've never seen you look at me like that before. You looked _scared_. I feel like a creep for doing that to you. That isn't love...that's...that's..." Haru hung his head unable to finish.

Yuki frowned as he felt he was being pressured into doing something. He knew what he should do. He should continue to comfort and console Haru, to convince him his regret about his actions was enough reason for him to forgive him. And yet at the same time there was some truth in what Haru was saying. Black Haru was a part of him, it was true. And perhaps black Haru was acting on white Haru's desires. So maybe, in a sense, Haru was to blame for what he'd done. After all, he was aware enough to realize that Yuki was uncomfortable with it, even if it had been _after_ it had happened.

"Haru...you know you drive me crazy sometimes," Yuki said, with a sad laugh.

Haru looked up at him then, his face drawn and weary as though he'd aged significantly in just a matter of minutes.

Yuki didn't like the way his cousin looked. He was used to his cheerful and kind smiles. His sweet and caring nature. Seeing him look as though he was struggling underneath a massive load of burdens upset him.

So Yuki moved to get off the bed and sat beside Haru on the floor. He hesitated for the briefest of seconds before he placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it.

"Look, I know you, Haru. I know you'd never want to hurt me. If you did something like that, you couldn't have been in control. Or at least not enough to be able to stop yourself. You didn't mean it," and Yuki stressed this by shaking Haru slightly as though to try to shake him out of his stupor.

The ox's eyes looked so pained, though, and Yuki watched as they filled with tears. His cousin's lips trembled as he lowered his head yet again. "I don't believe you," he said. "You're just trying to make me feel better because you feel bad."

Yuki sighed then, hoarsely. Yes, perhaps that was true. He was just trying to make him feel better. But, all the same, he genuinely felt that Haru shouldn't blame himself like this. He felt tempted to slap some sense into Haru as he tended to do with Kyo. Then again, the despair his cousin had quickly plunged into only served to show how deep his love for Yuki went.

"Do you have to be so damn difficult? For God's sake, Haru. How many times do I have to tell you? I swear, it's like I need to-" And Yuki stopped quickly, eyes widening at what he'd been about to say. His heart thudded in his chest, as he looked away, cursing himself for his stupidity. Haru, however, looked up suddenly curious.

"What? Like you need to what?"

"Nothing," Yuki said, shifting away from Haru, holding his head in his hands. It was already beginning to hurt again, perhaps due the confusion due to his turbulent feelings. What was going on here? He couldn't...he _wouldn't_…

He could feel Haru's eyes on him, could hear him move towards him, and Yuki felt his face redden as Haru took one of his hands, pulled it away from his head and clasped it within his own. The blood just as quickly drained from his face as Haru interlaced their fingers, the motion so intimate and sensual that it made Yuki warm up inside as he had earlier. It also reminded him of what he'd imagined happening between them. He felt a sudden urge to get up and sprint out of his room. Alarm bells clanged threateningly inside his head telling him to push Haru away, to smack him upside the head as he'd thought of doing earlier.

Anything to just stop what was about to happen from happening.

Yuki didn't like being touched. He felt uncomfortable with even the thought of being caressed by another person, much less being hugged or kissed. And he especially was quaking on the inside, as he saw Haru reach to place a hand against his cheek, his thumb caressing it tenderly, almost feather-light.

Again, Yuki felt the urge to slap his cousin's hand away, perhaps because it was instilled in him due to having done so, so many times in the past. And yet, again there was something inside him that chose to allow it to happen.

Haru's eyes took him in, watched Yuki closely as his lips curved upward in a smile. It wasn't a malicious smirk as what black Haru had taunted him with earlier. No, this smile seemed to melt away the worry lines from Haru's face, made him look youthful and carefree once again. He looked as though he could hardly contain his joy in that moment. Perhaps he was in bliss thanks to Yuki's response, in that he didn't viciously rebuke him as he normally would. And there must have been something in his eyes that looked inviting, even.

"You're so handsome, Yuki," Haru murmured breathily, making the hair on the back of Yuki's neck stand on end.

He'd never been complimented in such a way before. Normally people told him he was pretty. But never handsome. The word repeated in Yuki's head until it nearly lost its meaning. Handsome? He was handsome? As in...like a guy? And not like a chick as he was often compared to?

Huh.

"You're...touching my face," Yuki said, beginning to sweat due to the close proximity of their own faces. He felt idiotic himself, like he had no idea what to say in response to what was happening. It wasn't the first time Haru had touched his face, and yet there was something different about it this time.

Haru leaned a bit towards Yuki, looked him in the eye then, and Yuki saw what he was asking for. Permission. Fright quickly gripped his heart as he reflexively leaned back. He'd never done this before, and it worried him. And what if he disappointed Haru? After all the time the ox had fawned over him, what if he kissed him and it turned out there was nothing there after all?

And yet, Yuki swallowed and nodded his head, smiled a little even. _What the hell is wrong with me_...was his last thought before Haru shut his eyes and leaned to press his lips against his.

The kiss was gentle, just a regular kiss on the lips. And yet when it happened, Yuki's heart clenched. It was the intimacy he'd always secretly craved with another person and he'd finally achieved it. He'd gotten his first kiss...and it was with Haru, of all people. Yuki opened his eyes and stared at Haru, who'd leaned back to look at him appreciatively. Apparently he hadn't disappointed him as the ox was smiling at him almost as though he was high as a kite.

Now in the aftermath of what he'd done, Yuki couldn't help but feel shaken by it. It was as though a forbidden barrier had just been crossed and now there was no going back. He was aware he had broken into a cold sweat... was shivering even. Could it be...that he really liked it? That he really did like this? That he really did like _Haru_?

"Well? Say something," Haru said, laughing a little as he nudged his shoulder.

Yuki laughed himself, probably due to his anxiety. "Sorry. I'm just...in shock, I guess. I mean...that was my first kiss." He wanted to add 'and it was with you', but figured it didn't need to be said.

"Did you like it?"

And there was an eagerness, a hopefulness in Haru's voice that almost broke Yuki's heart. He wasn't the only one afraid to disappoint, it seemed. Or perhaps he was worried that Yuki would be repulsed by the act itself.

Yuki couldn't resist smiling a little. He felt a burst of happiness in his chest, feeling strangely uplifted now. Just seeing Haru looking as he did was heartwarming. It made him feel at peace, like he'd done the world some good by allowing this to happen. By letting his defenses down and giving in.

"Yeah...it was kind of nice. Just never thought it would actually happen," and Yuki laughed, this time with an edge of hysteria. Truthfully he'd been so vehement in denying Haru in the past, been so irritated by him that he was certain there was no way in hell he'd ever give in to temptation.

And yet...it had happened. He felt like he was in some other dimension or something. It was almost as though he was possessed by some other side to him as well. Like there may be a black Yuki somewhere deep inside him that had these dark desires and he was unable to do anything about them.

"You're not the only one," Haru said shyly. He was still holding Yuki's hand in his own, and was now massaging it with his thumb. "Your hand's sweating like hell, by the way. Guess you were nervous, huh?"

Yuki felt embarrassment settle in. He hated when people could see through him. "N-Nervous? Not really," he lied.

Haru grinned. "Okay, if you say so."

The two boys sat together for a while longer simply enjoying one anothers presence. Yuki managed to relax for the first time around Haru in ages. He wasn't even afraid that black Haru might pop up and screw shit up. As long as he was with Haru, he felt that he could be at ease.

To his surprise, Haru didn't even try to kiss him again. He seemed utterly content with having so much as pecked him on the lips. But his eyes looked dreamy every time he looked at Yuki and a goofy smile was permanently on his lips. Yuki felt embarrassment in that he had such an effect on him. That just kissing him had left Haru on cloud nine. And yet...he couldn't help but admit he really liked it. It was as though he held the reigns, as though he was in charge. Like Haru would bow down to him if he could just to express how much he meant to him. And Yuki liked having that kind of power over another person. It made him lustful for it, made him throb painfully down below. For once, he felt as though he was the one who could hardly keep his hands from wandering in the others direction.

In a sense, he realized he had just turned black.


	3. Chapter 3

Haru lay in bed, listening to the sound of Yuki's breathing as he lay asleep. It had been a couple of hours since they'd kissed and since that had happened the two had talked for a little bit before calling it a night.

Yuki had been concerned about a couple of things soon after. He had been worried that Rin would not be happy about it. He was also struck by fear that Akito would somehow find out and just the act of kissing between them would be enough for him to try to hurt one of them, particularly Haru.

To be honest, after the initial pleasure had worn off, Haru had felt the same about Akito. He had wondered why in the hell he'd dared to do such a thing when the very reason he had come over was because of Rin's attack at the God's hands. He must have been out of his mind or something to actually risk something like that happening again. Maybe not to Rin, but perhaps to Yuki or to him. Perhaps deep down he knew that nothing of substance would really amount from it, and so it had felt like it was safe to do.

He still really hated feeling out of control at times. He was so often guided by his unstable emotions and unable to do anything about it. It could be painfully frustrating to the point that he wanted to scream, funnily enough.

Anyway, in regards to Yuki's worries about Rin, the thing was that Rin didn't actually feel that negatively towards Yuki. She didn't dislike him, in any case. She was never really bothered by Haru's feelings for him. Perhaps because Haru had sincerely reassured her that she was really the one for him. He still had difficulty suppressing his feelings for Yuki, though. He just held him in such high regard that it was hard not to feel overwhelmed by love for him at times. But he had to admit it wasn't totally surprising that Yuki felt concerned as he had. Rin tended to give that vibe to people. The truth was, the girl was under such persistent distress due to the curse and was so desperate to find a way to break it, that she cared little for much else. Aside from Haru, anyway. And Haru wanted so badly for her to find that happiness, for her to attain that freedom she so desired and so deserved. And he wanted it not just for her, but for everyone. For _them_.

It was so frightening that she'd been pushed out of a window, for God's sake. It was absolutely jarring, and had shaken Haru so much that he'd attacked Akito himself, had actually wrapped his hands around the asshole's neck, tightening them to the point of choking him. He wanted to scare him just as he'd been scared. Sometimes, he truly hated him. He hated being forced to answer to someone...especially someone with a maniacal thirst for power. I mean, how could he be a God anyway? Did he have magical powers? Did he create the universe? No, he didn't. In a way, he was just like Haru. A mere insignificant human.

And despite how Haru had felt over the moon when he'd finally kissed Yuki, it didn't take long for him to feel anxious yet again. He was aware that he'd done something that had made Yuki uncomfortable. Yuki even told him that he'd groped him. Haru had been so on edge, so disturbed due to what had happened with Rin that he realized that perhaps he should have waited a while before coming to see Yuki. It was as though his sanity had unraveled far too easily just by seeing his cousin when he was in such a vulnerable state. It was utterly perplexing and also frightened him deeply. It made him see himself in a negative light. He practically worshiped the ground that Yuki walked on and yet he'd touched him without his consent. Like...that went so against his morals in general. He never could have imagined himself doing such a thing to another person, much less to either Yuki or Rin. And yet...he'd done it. All because of what? Feeling deranged? Tempted? Going black?

Yes, it was true that he'd always had difficulty suppressing his feelings for others, especially Rin and Yuki. But he'd also always had some level of restraint that never led to him crossing the line. And yet, he felt that he'd crossed it tonight. Perhaps it really wasn't that big of a deal, like Yuki had repeatedly assured him. It was the slightest touch, he'd said. But still. The fact that it was unwanted was all that mattered. And it made him feel a little guilty that Yuki's feelings for him had changed soon after. It was bewildering in a way. It had actually upset him at first, as he'd thought about it. he'd felt that his cousin who had been abused when he was younger just didn't understand his feelings. But Yuki had again reassured him that he was overreacting and that wasn't the case at all. That he actually did want to kiss him.

Haru still really didn't want something like that to ever happen again. The fact of the matter was, whenever he turned black he'd become a completely different person. Intimidating, cruel, and just plain vicious. He'd always suspected that Yuki was a bit frightened of him when it would happen, although his cousin had never admitted it. Yuki tended to put on a brave front and would act as though things didn't faze him even if they'd make him quake internally. It was something he admired about his cousin, but it also felt like a character flaw. He tended to take on too much and would often break underneath the pressure, like when he'd push himself physically into having an asthma attack.

Anyway, turning black happened often enough that Haru was used to it, but at the same time he always dreaded the impending change. Because he never knew what was going to happen afterward. He was surprised that he was even able to function as normally as he was despite this very obvious problem he had. Sometimes he couldn't help but wonder...What the hell was wrong with him?

Suddenly there was some rustling from above and Haru tensed. It was getting late and it would seem odd if he was caught awake at this time. So he turned away from Yuki, hoping his cousin would believe he was asleep.

Yuki stopped moving around and didn't show any indication that he would try to speak to Haru. Haru felt relieved as he relaxed.

He couldn't lie, though. It had felt so nice to finally kiss Yuki after so long. He was still shocked that his cousin had actually allowed such a thing to happen. That he gave in. At the same time, the reason that Haru was able to harness such courage was because he could see something in the way that Yuki had been looking at him that was different. Almost as though he was watching him more closely than before...studying him in some way. And his eyes weren't cold and critical, but warm and appreciative. It was bizarre and yet, Haru liked it very much. He was so used to Yuki being abrasive towards him that he couldn't help but feel this change was welcome indeed. Seeing his eyes soften as he'd looked at him made butterflies float around his stomach. Seeing that change was both frightening and yet so enticing at the same time. He knew it was most likely just going to be a one time thing, but he was perfectly happy with that.

Still, he was hoping to see Rin soon. Yes, it was nice to be comforted by his cousin, but he was mostly concerned for his girlfriend and her current condition. He had a feeling that she wouldn't be too keen on seeing him, for fear of something happening to him as well, though. That was just how Rin was. She cared deeply for others, and was fully prepared to take the consequences herself if need be. Haru really admired her character for this and many other reasons. She was so strong and so dependable. A shoulder to lean on when he needed support. It always felt amazing to be held in her arms as she'd console him anytime he felt lost. Truth be told, he wondered what he'd done to deserve such an amazing girl. Despite the fact that she seemed so serious, she'd often reveal her vulnerabilities to him, the things she secretly liked and enjoyed. Things that made her happy. To others she appeared to be a scowling curmudgeon, but to him she was just the sweetest thing.

As Haru lay in bed he felt somewhat comforted by his thoughts and reflections. Perhaps coming here may have been a good thing after all, if it helped him to understand himself a bit better. He just knew one thing. He couldn't allow himself to hurt anyone he cared about ever again. There was no way he'd allow it. Even if that meant staying away from people entirely anytime he felt like he may turn black. If that was what was necessary, then so be it. If he was capable of any semblance of control, he'd be more than happy to take it. And so he felt some determination that night to make a change. A positive change not only for those around him, but also for himself. Feeling content, Haru was able to relax enough to eventually fall asleep.

**A/N: I felt like adding another chapter just because it seemed like some things were unresolved and it was bothering me. Hopefully this helps somewhat...anyway, I realized how difficult it is to write a Yuki/Haru story that is set anytime within the manga. For me, anyway...**


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